Currently listening to Case by Teni:
Hey Lemon Drops, I honestly don't know sometimes if anyone reads my blog posts or if anyone enjoys my rambling sometimes. Just in case the title sounds strange and you cant fathom what I mean by "self preservation" its simply
that moment where you put yourself first. Its when you stop giving a fuck! Most times, when you choose yourself first, the society will make you feel horrible and guilty for choosing you, for not allowing your so called "friends" to take advantage of your niceness, for not reducing yourself to fit into a box all the while screaming about how "original" you are. This doesnt mean you cant go out of your way for friends that value you, it just means that if you think of doing something for them and a voice whispers “Is it worth it?” It probably isnt. Trust me hun, I've been called self centered before and I felt bad, it took time to realise that this person felt so because I didn't allow people take advantage of me, because if I felt my peace of mind threatened I wouldn't stand for it. It took time to get here but damn!!!! It was and still is hard but so rewarding because of the type of friends I have now.
that moment where you put yourself first. Its when you stop giving a fuck! Most times, when you choose yourself first, the society will make you feel horrible and guilty for choosing you, for not allowing your so called "friends" to take advantage of your niceness, for not reducing yourself to fit into a box all the while screaming about how "original" you are. This doesnt mean you cant go out of your way for friends that value you, it just means that if you think of doing something for them and a voice whispers “Is it worth it?” It probably isnt. Trust me hun, I've been called self centered before and I felt bad, it took time to realise that this person felt so because I didn't allow people take advantage of me, because if I felt my peace of mind threatened I wouldn't stand for it. It took time to get here but damn!!!! It was and still is hard but so rewarding because of the type of friends I have now.
Repeat after me: I can't fake humble because someone else is insecure.
It's not easy choosing yourself over others especially because as kids we are taught to put others first and that's good but not when these people continuously take you for granted. Be friendly, put other's first but don't allow them take you for granted. Sometimes friends and even family can drain you emotionally without even knowing, you just need to be smart about it.
Let me tell you that if you're coming from a place where you've allowed people take you for granted and you want to move to a place where you speak up for yourself, loving yourself, not putting up with people's hypocrisy, it's going to be HARD!
Here are a few things I'm going to point out for you to remember when choosing yourself seems impossible and also some feelings you will have to overcome:
You will be called proud.
You will feel guilty about choosing yourself over others.
You will feel a sense of peace.
You will feel better in due time.
You will meet people who uplift you and support you
You will meet people who respect your boundaries.
At first, the loneliness will suck and you will lose friends, remember that real friends wont mind because they understand that you need your space once in a while.
You will be called proud.
You will feel guilty about choosing yourself over others.
You will feel a sense of peace.
You will feel better in due time.
You will meet people who uplift you and support you
You will meet people who respect your boundaries.
At first, the loneliness will suck and you will lose friends, remember that real friends wont mind because they understand that you need your space once in a while.
You will feel alone and want to run back to that toxic relationship because atleast you'll have someone to talk to, they care about you. Don't do it, you'll thank yourself later.
At the end of the day you need to remind yourself why you come first, remind yourself about how when it all ends you will be the only real person you've got.
This is probably the most realest and longest thing I've wrote this year so far.
Disclaimer: Disconnecting yourself from people who drain you and rob you of your peace of mind will not be as easy as the Internet makes it look. Especially if you've been through a lot with this person, you will feel guilty and bad even a little regretful. Remind yourself that it's the best thing for you, it's not going to be easy but it'll be worth doing so in the end.
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